


Lying in Autumn

by NicoleCox



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cuddly Dean, Cutting, Depressed Dean, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt Dean Winchester, Original Character Death(s), Relationship(s), Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:46:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2120736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoleCox/pseuds/NicoleCox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things have been progressively worsening for the hunter, Dean Winchester. Always having to be strong can tire a man out and it has been, for many years now. Taking the advice of his not so-little-brother, Sam Winchester, the hunter pays a visit to specialised psychiatrist, Analeigh Arella, a woman who grew up in a training orphanage, dedicated to creating the best quality of hunters. Upon growing up in so much disarray, she'd begun form an empathic link with nearly everyone she came into contact with, therefore vowing in her maturing state to help whoever she could escape the depression infringed upon them by the Supernatural.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dazed & Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Been Dazed and Confused for so long it's not true.  
> Wanted a woman, never bargained for you.  
> Lots of people talkin', few of them know  
> Soul of a woman was created below.

It was a stupid idea. Complete and utter stupidity personified on Sam's behalf but I'd said yes, simply because he thought it'd help and I wanted to believe the same.

Things been hard. Worse than usual. On the both of us might I add. No sleep, a lack of appetite, a fog that seemed to smother my every thought. It was a dark thing, suffocating and whenever I were to take a deep breath it'd crawl down my throat, snake it's way around my oesophagus and squeeze, asphyxiating all that was good or at least not painful and making it just that.

Sam could see it and I knew it'd become... too much, so now here I am, awaiting the answer of a stranger who was supposed to be able to help. 

Her name is Analeigh, or so I was told. There are many rumours that have surfaced surrounding the woman, but none I can be certain of. The case being that her clients won't talk and she has no friends close enough to know anything other than those who spread the rumours. An extremely smart girl if you ask me. 

My hand rose but refused to make any connection with the mahogany door. If I walked away now, headed to a bar for a couple of hours and then met Sammy, I could just pretend to be better. Hell! I wasn't even sick. I was- I was just a little… Tired.

The soft click of a door opening brought me from my reverie and I looked up, coming eye to eye with frustrated blue hues.

"Can I help you?" The woman asked impatiently. She held a bag in one hand, hair tumbling over one shoulder, a dark brown curtain of waves. She was stunning, but not my type.

"Uh, I was looking for, uh, Analeigh? I guess I got the wrong place. Sorry." Its a mutter and I turn, relief clear on my expression, to leave.

"I'm Analeigh." She stated, a sigh audible. "I don't have any appointments today so you must be a hunter?"

I could just walk away… "Yeah, my brother told me you'd be able to help…"

"Well I gotta head out right now but perhaps we can schedule something for later?" Analeigh pushed past gently but fished out a pocket sized diary from her bag along with a pen. "How about tomorrow? 2pm okay?"

"I – uh, I'm leaving town tonight actually, but thanks." I knew this had been a mistake, Jesus Christ, I know from the very beginning and now this only confirmed it. It was like a sign something.

The woman's face dropped and she pursed glossed lips before scribbling something down in her diary then ripping it out only to hand it to me.

"Its my number," she explained, "call me should you need… Help with anything." And with that, Analeigh offered a small, brief smile, turned and left me standing on her porch.

***

Back at the motel, I sat on one of the worn wooden chairs around the equally worn table and tapped my fingers against the top absentmindedly. 

"So you spoke to her?" Sam asked. His face, his whole demeanour was brighter, he seemed… More at ease and if I had to lie to get him like that then I would. 

"Yeah, she was hot." Shrugging, my lips are forced to curve upwards into a small smirk and I flit emerald orbs in the direction of the younger Winchester.

Sam laughed for the first time in what must've been at least weeks before he started to pack up his duffle bag. "Are we all set to go then? You don't need to stay around here right? I found a hunt for us a few towns over. Vampires I'm pretty sure." Sam insisted, nodding way too enthusiastically for me to decline. 

"Yeah, we can leave, I just gotta pack." 


	2. Achilles Last Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was an April morning when they told us we should go  
> As I turn to you, you smiled at me  
> How could we say no?

If I was to explain the inner fibres of my being and what causes me to think of such loneliness, I'd say that each and every emotion I've ever felt has come from lack of love and a disbelief within ones self. And then, only after I've loaded the gun and put it to my head would I comprehend the damage I'm now inflicting on my blood relatives and those obliged to feel something for me other than the emotion of hatred.

But the list doesn't total to more than one person, Sammy, however he's enough to make my hand spasm and put down the gun. 

It clatters to the tile floor of the bathroom and I'm left to simply tremble where I stand, wishing, even praying for the ground to swallow me up because I know what'll happen next. The thin, cold razor finds itself between the pads of my fingers all too soon, crimson lines then painting them self upon my scarred forearm. It stings but I deserve the sting and I know it. Where's Sam? Well he's out, getting food, I have time, I have plenty of time. The cuts become deeper and the blood drips from paled skin into the sink area. The only word reverberating through my skull seems to be _worthless._

Worthless - in the wrong way however for I'd failed at giving _myself_ what I'd truly wanted all along. A life. And for this I should be punished because  _life  
_ isn't on the cards for me. It never was and I should be satisfied with that simply because I help people as a hunter. 

I'm a selfish person. I'm truly sorry for that. But...

Angry tears begin to fall and I lay the razor aside so I may steady myself, hands bracing either side of the sink. 

Its so foolish.  _I_ am so foolish to be thinking, wishing for such things. I'm a hunter, and damn good at being one too. 

It doesn't take me long to clear away the blood and bandage up my arm as though nothing had happened so when Sam returned he was pleasantly surprised to see the development I'd made on the case. 

"Three vampires." We'd only been in town since yesterday so basic information came first, but I continued with more in depth stuff that would've taken a prolonged amount of time to find out were I not completely devoted to research for it allowed all other cursed thoughts to melt away. "They split off from a group of 8 what looks to be a month ago. To look at reports and then link them with a map, it seems like the bastards went in completely different directions."  

Sam was silent for a moment as he took in all that I'd told him meanwhile handing me a burger, bottle of beer and a plastic wrapped slice of pie. "So really, if we look back to reports of the months when they were together, we'll be able to decipher hunting routines and track them down." He said finally, floppy brown hair falling over his forehead whilst he bent to sit. 

"Uh, yeah? That's _exactly  
_ what I was thinking of." See, I could research to an extent but Sam was pretty good with putting logical plans in place whereas I was all guns blazing.

The younger Winchester chuckled and nodded before he tucked into his salad.

The burger and pie ended up being thrown away barely touched but I wasn't hungry and that is the truth, I promise you. However the beer was lovely and I had three more before passing out on the single bed, one leg hanging off and still fully clothed. 


End file.
